This blog is about sharing my experiences openly and honestly. It has the tagline no more hiding in the shadows. Many others have had the same thoughts and feelings that fuel my writing. Repressing emotion produces nothing positive, and expression should not be feared. Okay, pep talk over.
Summoning the courage to share this has been surprisingly difficult. Until I determined what fueled the emotions behind the poem and why there was such difficulty in sharing it, clicking the publish button could not happen. This has taken months to achieve.
“Soul Miners” was written at time when each and every facet of my life felt like it needed something. Helping others and being a problem solver gives me great joy, yet I was not experiencing feelings of joy, I was feeling overwhelmed.
Writing the poem felt good, but understanding why I felt so overwhelmed was necessary. It took a few weeks, but eventually a simple reason why emerged – imbalance. Deep inside was a contemplation that if I am working to care for so many others, who is taking care of me? That is not a self-centered thing to experience. In fact, it made me stop and realize how many people I am blessed to have who care for me every day. My wife, my friends and family all came to mind. These are the people I take great joy in caring for because they take care of me. Balance was restored, but a question still lingered.
Why was the experience so hard to openly share? Another simple reason – fear. Openly expressing the fact that requests for my help can sometimes be overwhelming created a fear that the requests would stop. I feared losing the joy I receive when others rely on me.
Will honesty about my feelings drive others away? I truly hope that will not prove to be true, and suspect the answer exists in a phrase a friend often uses. “I am not complaining, I am just explaining.” Uttering one of the smallest words in our language – no – is a struggle for me and many others. But saying it contains something I strive to deliver with this blog. Honesty.
Finally, a caveat about the language in this poem. This is the first time for me to share something containing profanity. If such language is not for you, maybe check this out and then consider coming back to read “Soul Miners”. After all, they are just words.